Friday, 29 May 2009

Desire ... the passion

Desire is the ground of my life. I feel it when it begins to generate passion. I compare it to the engine of a car (desire) when it develops power to move (passion). In relation to the spiritual path, desire is often misunderstood, particularly in the realm of advaita-vedanta philosophy of non-duality. As we awaken to the truth of what we are, it is true that our desire for the superficial and the ephemeral things of this world will become less because our spiritual desire will be gradually increasing.  So enlightenment is not about ending desire. It is about shifting it naturally to higher truth,deeper into awareness,  until all desire is dissolved in the reality of Oneness, the unending outpouring of  love. 
As I keep practicing my sadhana (spiritual practice), my desire for the Truth, the Meaning, is generating more a more passion for it. More horse-power.....

Thursday, 28 May 2009

My Ego...

The day I awakened to the reality of my soul my life was instantly transformed. The light showed me the door out of the small space I was living in. I discovered the Universe as a feeling of space within me, a playground of so many choices. I then realized that every action I took had to be motivated by a choice. The light was now on.

Sunday, 24 May 2009

The urban monkhood ...

It is fascinating to me observing how subtle and confusing at the same time the path of evolution really is.
I am deeply grounded in awareness and in the clarity of my vision yet ... my emotional world is still in the grips of karma. I am still craving for deeper emotional involvement with my fellow humans and, what is more, a physical connection  with them. A community of goals, a shoulder-to-shoulder, an ashram ...?

Thursday, 21 May 2009

The Future ...

The Universe gave me the chance to bring together Innergy for my own development, my own evolution. I was 59 and had a rich, adventurous, creative and intense experience of life behind me. From day one, I realized that my private life would be fading and a new public experience would begin. The Universe had obviously decided that I was ready to subjectively evolve and objectively share my growth with others. Innergy never looked back and grew and grew to my amazement considering that the 'Centre' never fitted in the model of commercial enterprises. It took a great effort to keep away from the temptations of success and fame and financial gain. My great reward has been that thousand of students have found their lives transformed through the Innergy experience and many of them begun seriously walking on the spiritual path of Awareness. Today I find myself at a crossroads and I am awaiting for the Universe to inspire my next step as my inner expansion has begun feeling the restrictions of the old model. The discipline of Yoga has reached, in the mainstream, a new plateaux where the mass industry has swallowed the integrity of a deeper search giving way to the superficial world of appearance. It is just another stage of growth, naturally, but a difficult one for me to blossom into. At present I feel like I am stalking ... the future.

Saturday, 16 May 2009

Feelings ...

Awareness of a 'moment' , of a 'now',  generates a 'response' in my prana or vital energy field. That response happens before my mind and is intuitive, kind of a flash. The nearest description of it is possibly 'gut feeling' and the rational mind cannot grasp it.  So: awareness+response = feelings. bringing us to: feelings are always in  the present because awareness happens always in the present and so is its response. 
I can become aware of a 'moment' , a present situation, that moves me, touches me, and tears come to my eyes or an open smile with no apparent explanation. Ever happened to you? In most people this response happens spontaneously at random and often is given no attention because has no reason, it is not rational.
Awareness (and feelings) are difficult to sustain because they require a detachment  (in degrees) from the ego-mind. The whole point of our Yoga practice is to arrive to a sustained awareness  and, therefore,  a direct "feel" of the moment, now. Living in one's feelings = living in the present, in the moment. The emotions, on the contrary, 
are always of the past (and projected future). 
Hi Markos, finally I hear from you :).  Feeling keys on your keyboard belongs the senses (and therefore mind). It is a sensation that can be observed. The whole subject of feelings is difficult to explain rationally in words.

Wednesday, 13 May 2009


The search for the Truth is very arduous and takes infinite determination. I find that the best path to get closer to It are my feelings. It is a constant balancing act between the actions that life forces me to take and the feelings that I have at any given time. Very often my feelings are overruled by my actions. When my actions are, in fact, reactions (unconscious) my feelings are repressed  and ignored. The only cure to remain in  balance is awareness. 
Knowing what I feel as I approach action will keep me on the wire ... just like in the picture.
If I don't feel, my actions are devoid of me and therefore are reactions. An empty disaster because karma is created in that state of ignorance. And I keep falling ... and I don't know why ... and I lose the confidence I need to remain in balance ... I don't feel so I am not there ....
My feelings are the only proof that I exist and the only chance to subdue my ego.

Tuesday, 12 May 2009

Owning the universe ...

my mood today is best described by the image I created. Often after a Yoga practice one can  feel kind of weightless and with a great confidence of movement. Prana flows undisturbed...

Friday, 8 May 2009

A mission...

My focus is to keep the essence of Yoga , the valid discipline to take us away from our suffering, here in an urban environment where is mostly needed. I feel it as a kind of mission as I am strong, resolved, talented and needing no escape routes to get away from the difficulties in the reality. The reality is that most people live in a state of numbness and not able to listen and discern what is good for them. Too much information, too many distractions. When I feel a little weaker, more vulnerable, I find it quite challenging too keep to my commitment.
Sometimes I struggle to hold back tears of frustration as I am faced with the indifference, selfishness, superficiality and greed in the very people I help to discover  new horizons.

Tuesday, 5 May 2009


Feelings belong to Spirit, your Soul. They are not negotiable, they just are. I remember when I was never aware of them, not really knowing what to look for. It was so difficult for me to express them especially when I was being asked: what do you feel.... I used to search for them, within and in panic,  in a futile attempt to describe them. I could never find them and,  ending up  embarrassed, I learned how to avoid the questions. So I lived in limbo and in my head which was full of reasons and excuses and blame. I lived in a constant state of defense, reacting to every situation and without an obvious centre. Exactly... without a centre, a home to relate to, a home to feel.
The difference now is that by 'feeling' where I am I 'know' where that is and any 'situation' is happening 'out there' 
not 'in me' so I can deal with it objectively. My feelings are the reality in which I live; what happens in my life is an 'out there' , a something that happens to me and therefore I deal with it guided by my intelligence.

Saturday, 2 May 2009

Being myself...

The only serious responsibility I have is to 'be myself'. Myself as in 'the Self of me'. Once I awakened to the existence of it my life as 'me' has been totally transformed. Today, for example, having had an intense practice in the early hours and then taught an asana class to a group of very good students, 'myself' is very powerful and cannot stop expressing itself in disparate ways: I project Art, my digital style, I play music , my voice and guitar, I write, my vision of life.... and on. In this way 'me' is so full of creativity and totally comfortable by being alone in my environment. The bank holiday is beginning....

Friday, 1 May 2009

Nature ... and you.

I met a student/friend in the street yesterday whom I hadn't seen for a while. He told me he had moved to the country to be regenerated and be surrounded by nature. He had spent about 2 years at Innergy's Raja Yoga struggling  through the challenges  gradually emerging in his consciousness. I always liked his courage and openness in accepting  his ignorance of the spiritual dimensions of his life. With a glint in his eyes, he begun telling me how those 2 years os asanas and Raja combined had changed his life and brought him to sit on a hill, close to his new house, to watch a sunset that blew his mind. "That evening" he said " I realized, as a shock, that I had never 'seen' nature before in that manner: I never felt it. " I giggled, pleased to hear that statement  and nodding "Do you remember our Raja evenings" I said " when we investigated what feelings are and what they mean?" his face opened "do I remember...??" he smiled. " Nature is just there, inert, not beautiful nor ugly." I continued " The beauty is in your awareness and in your feelings you manifest it."  " Yesssss,...  that evening on the hill I wept for no reason at all, actually on second thought, I wept of joy. I felt alive." he exclaimed.
I left him after a while with a grin in his face and " I am soooo glad to have met you in my life"  statement in his heart. " I'll come back to Innergy soon."