Twilight ...

As darkness was creeping in, my mind wandered back ... far back when my mother tucked me in bed and left the room, the window open and twilight fading into night. I felt so frightened staring at the darkening sky that was taking away from me the joys of the day, the games with friends and the warm touch of my mother. That fear mixed with sadness stayed with me for very long time, the end of something, the passing of time, the fading of a memory ... In my meditations, during my spiritual practice, I begun seeing the root and the meaning of that fear and realize that I had to face the primeval terror of death which was uncannily sabotaging my innate joy of living.I begun seeing that death happens in the now, at every moment that arises and falls out of my consciousness. It took me few years to clean my act and accept that 'what is just is' leading, through its death, to the birth of next one. For years I experienced the terror of the impermanence of my life, the frailty of memory, the ticking of the clocks ..