Friday, 24 July 2009

The new job ...

The moment I awakened to my inner space I was recruited by the UNIVERSE. I am now on its payroll.
My job is to listen to the big boss orders and then follow the directions I get. 'Feelings' is my new communicating mode which, by the way, is the essential requirement for the job. I keep doing this and that, this shirt and that hat, this name and the other and it all feels like being on a stage.It is an inner holiday the seat on my Universal Desk.

Inner Space ...

When I get up in the morning, these days about 6:30, go to the bathroom, have a glass of water and back in the bedroom to sit in siddhasana. I have been in that room all night with my dreams and energy and now that I am awake I want to explore the feelings which are still, with one foot, in my unconscious. It is fascinating to me to observe, to witness, the modulating motion of my inner world with feelings, images and thoughts emerging from an unconscious space to travel through my observing awareness. I want to catch the purity on my inner music before the mind begins to corrupt it adding the loud interference of my ego. Having practiced this intimacy for few years, I can now easily spend up to 2 hours in this warm embrace that keeps my all day in the healing cradle of awareness. It is such a gift to be 'feeling' my life without the need to rely on my thoughts to describe it. The confidence that allows me to say, quite often these days, 'I know' without having to back it up with reasons...
Well, my friends, you should try it too ... :)

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Portrait ...

Yesterday Lou Stanion took a picture of me which I like. She has a talent to catch a moment ...
Photographs have become a major element in our lives because of the incredible progress in technology.
Anyone can now express their visual views which, when uploaded to the net. become part of a global experience.
Think of Facebook (and similar) ... photos are vital there. When my job was to photograph people, mainly fashion, I used to give my subjects one or two big prints of portraits I had shot of them and suggest they could put them up somewhere on their walls, with no ceremonies, kind of blue-tacked. The point is to be exposed to different views of oneself, daily, and get therefore subconsciously used to a broader and possibly truer public image of oneself. Isn't it probable that one dislikes a portrait of oneself at first glance? One never recognizes oneself in it? So, try next time: look at it and learn.

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

A fact ...

My real love in this world is communicating and evolving. Unfortunately, I understood that later in life and therefore I begun enjoying myself onlyin the last 20 years. Until my 40s I have been pretty unhappy in an almost furious search for the meaning of it all. Done so much, achieved so little ... till the Universe decided I had tried enough and kicked me into the path I was meant to be in.
Wow, what a struggle!

Monday, 13 July 2009

Destination ...

It would be so convenient if I were a teacher proud of my teachings and ambitious enough to want them to be followed and forever remembered. One of my students, now an accomplished yoga teacher, was telling me how odd it felt to him when, asked who he had studied with, he had mentioned my name and what he got back was a smirky "Who?? ..."
My student was deeply affected by the realization that I could not be described to anyone in common words whether as a person or the content of my teachings. Any attempt he made sounded quite ordinary. He then said to me warmly :" You've got to get famous ... got to get out there." Well, what to do. He is too bright to have felt 'let down' by me but he did feel a gap, a kind of blank, in the experience.
... ... the fact is:
I am no teacher with a mission and therefore I have no teachings to claim. I am a student on the path to freedom who happens to share his journey with whoever has a longing, conscious or unconscious, for a similar destination. I do not need to be followed or even understood because I make no extraordinary claims. I share the inside story of a trip that 'needs' ultimate physical health, effortless flow of emotions and a crystal clarity of mind to reach the destination.
All one has to 'do' with me is holding my hand and ... then move on. :)

Saturday, 11 July 2009

The witness ...

Growing more conscious, more aware of my environment was one of my practices when I got on the bandwagon of evolution. I used to take in as many details as I could in any given situation.
Whenever I felt be taken in by the experience, perhaps just an emotional exchange with a friend or my partner, I shifted my attention to the immediate surroundings in order to empower my bird's eye view and include myself into the whole of the moment. Outwardly I looked involved and committed but inwardly I was subtly taking a snapshot, physically and emotionally, of what seemed to me the moment. On and on, more and more frequently. It has now become an habit: a deep groove in my awareness.

Thursday, 2 July 2009

A glowing jewel ...

It is so easy to trade the inner treasure of your feelings for the bondage of an external life with its events, pleasures and pains. Only through much suffering and disappointments you will move towards that internal glow in a desperate search for healing. I remember vividly the moment I touched my inner diamond, the multifaceted gem in my heart. I was on a plane back home to London from two hard working weeks in Rodeo Drive LA. I had photographed clothes for a client and a magazine. Lots of noise and ego dramas and intense role playing within that powerful environment. During the night, back on my plane seat, I was restless in my aching body; I was exhausted and so strangely sad. "Why am I so sad?" I kept asking myself anxiously reviewing the events of the past weeks. I wasn't happy with anything I had done and begun to doubt whether my career or my lifestyle as a whole had any real meaning at all. I felt increasingly empty and became aware of a acute pain in my belly or chest, I couldn't tell. Silent tears were streaming down my cheeks: tears of intense sadness and despair. Within the depths of my emotions, a mantra-like litany begun to surface: " I don't want to live like this any longer" on and on like a child. As dawn appeared through the windows, those pure colours which only exist above the clouds, I knew something major had happened to me: I had connected with a space within where my feelings were still and glowing totally oblivious of the turmoil I was going through.
I desperately hung on to that space and felt it, felt it ... felt it. As I got up from the seat back to Heathrow, I was a different person ... and my life took a sharp turn.