A glowing jewel ...

It is so easy to trade the inner treasure of your feelings for the bondage of an external life with its events, pleasures and pains. Only through much suffering and disappointments you will move towards that internal glow in a desperate search for healing. I remember vividly the moment I touched my inner diamond, the multifaceted gem in my heart. I was on a plane back home to London from two hard working weeks in Rodeo Drive LA. I had photographed clothes for a client and a magazine. Lots of noise and ego dramas and intense role playing within that powerful environment. During the night, back on my plane seat, I was restless in my aching body; I was exhausted and so strangely sad. "Why am I so sad?" I kept asking myself anxiously reviewing the events of the past weeks. I wasn't happy with anything I had done and begun to doubt whether my career or my lifestyle as a whole had any real meaning at all. I felt increasingly empty and became aware of a acute pain in my belly or chest, I couldn't tell. Silent tears were streaming down my cheeks: tears of intense sadness and despair. Within the depths of my emotions, a mantra-like litany begun to surface: " I don't want to live like this any longer" on and on like a child. As dawn appeared through the windows, those pure colours which only exist above the clouds, I knew something major had happened to me: I had connected with a space within where my feelings were still and glowing totally oblivious of the turmoil I was going through.

I desperately hung on to that space and felt it, felt it ... felt it. As I got up from the seat back to Heathrow, I was a different person ... and my life took a sharp turn.