A change of direction ...

When I understood that my mind is capable of evolving from a conditioned state, due to the physical,cultural, national environment in which I live in, to a higher stage of raised values and refined quality of living, my life changed dramatically. I embarked on a path where being conscious of my actions ( and more deeply of my thought process) was the most important element of my daily routine. Growing the awareness of Me living and expressing My Life was paramount. The 'lower' mind expresses itself automatically, reactively and unaware.

I lived like in a sleepwalk for years doing all the right things one does like working, having a family with all that that is involved, having 'good friends ' , original holidays and predictable hobbies. I begun asking questions when I realized that I was aiming for my death without the 'inner joy' of having lived my life. The spiritual books I begun reading where highlighting that mysterious (to me) feeling of 'bliss' that was almost totally alien to my understanding. And then one day ... the penny dropped. It came to me, kind of brightly, that the only way to move out of my torpor was to evolve by climbing the mountain in order to reach a higher perspective because from where I was I couldn't see anything else apart from my programmed day to day existence. Soooo, I made it a job to become aware, more and more closely, of my daily actions and feelings. I wrote about them in my diary and spoke to my partner and close friends about my predicament. It turned into an obsession. Soon ... it became obvious to me that I had to become the guy I am now.