Posts
As darkness was creeping in, my mind wandered back ... far back when my mother tucked me in bed and left the room, the window open and twilight fading into night. I felt so frightened staring at the darkening sky that was taking away from me the joys of the day, the games with friends and the warm touch of my mother. That fear mixed with sadness stayed with me for very long time, the end of something, the passing of time, the fading of a memory ... In my meditations, during my spiritual practice, I begun seeing the root and the meaning of that fear and realize that I had to face the primeval terror of death which was uncannily sabotaging my innate joy of living.
I begun seeing that death happens in the now, at every moment that rises and falls out of my consciousness. It took me few years to clean my act and accept that 'what is just is' leading, through its death, to the birth of next one. Soooo ... in the mind (which operates in time&space)
one continuously experiences the terror of impermanence of life. In the heart, instead, there is fearlessness because one can only feel the awareness of the moment, with its birth and death, and the joy of its purity.
I have been noticing the same, especially recently, as I have spent moments in nature in incredible joy, by the sea, delighted in my element . That all the time there is that part of me that wants to hold on , clinging to the moment, fearful of the passing of the moment. It interferes with the experience of it, by filtering the unbounded joy .
ReplyDeleteThe joy is there in the background all the time but the mind is predominated by thought of how to outwit the impermanence of the moment.
Taking photographs, recording the feelings in my head as a catalogue of experience, to be looked up at a later date, therefore finding a way to bring the moment to life, at my will.
It is as if this dialogue is there all the time between the heart and the head, but where I focus is my choice.
The head, with all its fear of death of the moment, ultimately death itself.
Or, the heart with its limitless unbounded joy. The intensity of which one has to be focused enough to stay with.